The last time the Dallas Cowboys took the field of any kind in a practice or a game, defensive end Marshawn Kneeland scored the first touchdown of his career.
It proved to be the team’s first touchdown in a 27-17 loss to the Arizona Cardinals last Monday night and it was seemingly a pinnacle moment a defensive player in his second year in the NFL.
Less than three days later, Kneeland would take his own life at the age of 24 early Thursday morning with a single gunshot in an incident that remains beyond all understanding.
The Cowboys, who had a bye last Sunday, returned to the team’s headquarters at the Star on Monday to begin the process of trying the move on with the season while navigating their emotions.
A zoom called was held last Thursday but the Cowboys returned to team meetings on Monday and Tuesday, led by mental health and grief professionals from the NFL and in-house, that included break out sessions. There was candle vigil and memorial service Tuesday evening at the Ford Center.
The players took Wednesday off before returning for their first practice on Thursday in advance of next Monday’s game at the Las Vegas Raiders.
A teary-eyed and voice-cracking coach Brian Schottenheimer met with the media on Wednesday trying to make sense of it all as there is no game plan in how to proceed following such a heartbreaking tragedy in the middle of the season.
“We had an opportunity last night to celebrate Marshawn’s life,” Schottenheimer said of the memorial that included Kneeland’s family and close friends, the team and members of the organization. “We told some stories, share, laugh, cry. Marshawn loved the words: One Love. So we talked a lot about love as we grieve. I got a chance to really share a couple of things that I miss the most about Marshawn. A couple of things he had the most playful spirit of any young man I’ve been around. His smile could take you to your knees. In terms of him as an athlete, no one had a better motor than him. So my heart is heavy, our team’s heart is heavy. We don’t move on, but we do move forward.”
Schottenheimer, owner Jerry Jones and defensive tackles Osa Odighizuwa and Solomon Thomas were among the people who spoke along with Kneeland’s girlfriend Catalina, his agent and and team chaplain Jonathan Evans among others.
As Schottenheimer said, the Cowboys will try to move forward. It will be long time before they will be able to move on
“It’s a process. As you know, a lot of conversations with people that are clearly more of an expert than I am in dealing with grief,” Schottenheimer said. We’ve started the process in terms of Monday. We set up the schedule because … we’re all in the bye. You’re making phone calls to people and you’re trying to make sense of things and you’re not together. We’re always going to be stronger together. We are stronger together. So Monday we set it up where we had a chance to be together and share and talk and we of course offered some people that can help us sort through what we’re feeling and the emotions of what we’re feeling.
Yesterday we had what we call a brotherhood breakfast, just sat down for 45 minutes and ate together and shared and we talked and laughed and cried. And then last night the vigil. It was beautifully done, beautifully done. It was difficult as you can imagine. A couple of players spoke, but its the one thing that Catalina, his girlfriend, it was very important to her, of course these guys are incredible and they showed up in droves to support her.”
In support of Catalina, who is pregnant, the Cowboys have set up the Marshawn Kneeland Memorial Fund, Schottenheimer announced.
“We want to make sure she is taken care and the baby is taken care of for the rest of their lives,” Schottenheimer said. “It is very important to our guys and to us.”
As far as the team is concerned and moving on with the season, Schottenheimer said there is no play book. He has talked with coaches. He is talked with psychologists. He said the team has bonded throughout the process and have grown closer together.
They are simply taking it one day at a time. No one has all the answers or any answers at the moment,
“It’s going to hit everybody different,” Schottenheimer said. “I literally wasn’t sure I could get through my part of last night speaking at his candlelight vigil. And I did. You just take it one day at a time and you don’t have to have all of the answers. We don’t have all of the answers. We don’t. We probably won’t have all of the answers. But you lean into one another, you love on one another. I go back to the culture and the guys in that locker room will be okay because of the strength that they draw from one another. We’ve got some guys that have been through this. I’ve never been though something like this, this close, that hits this close to home. There’s guys that I can draw from with their experiences and everybody deals with it different.”
“Some guys getting out on the grass is going to be the best thing in the world for them. Some guys getting out on the grass is going to be painful and that’s ok. And we’re going to give each other grace and time. But I do promise you this – these guys will be ready to play against the Raiders. And we will honor Marshawn with how we play not just against the Raiders but for the rest of the season.”
The Cowboys will conduct their first practice on Thursday. The Cowboys have already begun the task of trying to the put a game plan together while navigating their emotions.
At least, game planning has provided an escape from the cold reality of the moment.
“It’s a distraction, it’s what we know to do,” Schottenheimer said. “And when our players come in for meetings tomorrow we’re going to prep and get ready to play Las Vegas, and it doesn’t change the fact that we have a game. And for a lot of these guys, you know, this is where they come to get away from things that are hard for them in their life, and that’s what they love about this. And that’s what I’ll lean on. It is a distraction in a positive way, it takes your mind off of it. And he’s never out of my mind, he never will be. But it is a distraction when you’re watching an opponent that’s coming up.
“At the end of the day, we have to work back to a regular routine. That’s what we’re going to do. We will move forward. The one benefit of playing on Monday night is we’ve been given a little more time to grieve. That grieving process is not over. There’s going to be things that affect us differently throughout the next couple weeks, but we understand our best way to honor Marshawn on the field is how we play. That’s something we get to control, and I think the guys are excited about that.”
The Cowboys are also excited about the what’s to come with all the changes that will debut Monday night. Before Kneeland’s tragic death, the Cowboys made two trades last Tuesday, acquiring defensive tackle Quinnen Williams and linebacker Logan Wilson via trades with the New York Jets and the Cincinnati Bengals, respectively.
Linebacker DeMarvion Overshown and cornerback Shavon Revel, who have both sidelined all season with knee injuries, are expected to make their season debuts against the Raiders.
“We are excited for the guys that we have coming back,” Schottenheimer said. “And again, what do they want to do? They want to honor Marshawn with the way they play. Someone mentioned compartmentalize. You do break it it different pieces and. It’s just. It gets blurry sometimes you know. But there’s definitely excitement. Think about some of these guys, what they’ve had to come through to get back to where they are. So I would never ever take away from the excitement I have for DeMo coming back and things like that.”
